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For
Feb. 9th, 2009 07:17 pm
1. Xena
2. Bria
3. Cocaine
4. Opium and Opioid painkillers
5. Methamphetamine
6. Alcohol
7. Cigarettes
8. Building things
9. Revamping the government, radically
10. Flying
11. 5 μM morphine sulphate eye drops
12. Sex
13. Being a good father
2. Bria
3. Cocaine
4. Opium and Opioid painkillers
5. Methamphetamine
6. Alcohol
7. Cigarettes
8. Building things
9. Revamping the government, radically
10. Flying
11. 5 μM morphine sulphate eye drops
12. Sex
13. Being a good father
(no subject)
Sep. 24th, 2008 07:04 pmYour Personality Is Like Cocaine |
 You're dynamic, brilliant, and alluring to those who don't know you. Hyper and full of energy, you're usually the last one to leave a party. Sometimes your sharp mind gets the better of you... you're a bit paranoid! At your best: You're confident, euphoric, and feel like you're on top of the world. What people like about being around you: You're intense and overpowering. What people dislike about being around you: You can be arrogant... and a bit of a jerk. How addicted people get to you: Incredibly addictive. And hanging around with you isn't cheap! |
I could kill for a line. I'd really like five.
For ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
true_writers 3. Go Insane
Sep. 1st, 2008 03:12 am( 3. Go Insane )
Goes along with this piece
Snake had thought about it often. His own little girl, dark hair, big eyes, maybe when he was younger. He thought about that life that was stripped away from him more often now and he couldn't decide why. He figured it was because he was older. Not just older, Snake could admit he was old.
When he was younger though, that dark haired little girl he'd have. The one that would've had a different world. No war, a father that wasn't an addict, a father that was sane and unbroken. He thought about her a lot. He wondered if his parents would've been there to see her. Snake wished they were. He wished he'd been there for her too. He'd have been 22 and at the end of his service to the military when she was born. It would've been a different life for both of them. So much would have gone differently. He would have seen her with both eyes instead of one. Her grandfather would've got to rock her in the chair his mother had for him when he was a boy. They'd have the things normal families passed on through the generations. She would never have had to face the huge void of his past where everything was burned away by betrayal.
Snake though could see her clearly in his arms. He knew her name and when she was born. He knew things from later too when she was ten in his lap to see her little sister as a baby. The amount of pain it would pass to just hold her back when he was young was beyond Plissken's means to understand. Still those big dark eyes haunted him as he held her. Those were dreams. They were long gone and out of his reach even with her in his arms. He was older than he imagined though for many years he couldn't see this happening. Instead of laughter as he held her the lack of cocaine pulled him deep into the dark depression that filled his thoughts.
"Papi?"
Snake looked down at her dark eyes and started to cry. He still saw that baby even if he'd never held her. He'd failed her and the rest just like the family he'd lost back when he should have been holding her for the first time.
"I'm sorry." Snake looked away from her because the same idea ate at both of them. She wished he was there and he wished he could have been. There were no words needed when she wrapped her arms around his neck. Snake held her tight like a tiny child curled in his lap despite the fact she was a full grown woman. Still some days she was that baby. She needed to be that for both of them. He knew she would be different if life had been the way he saw it. He would not be the same man either but none of that would ever change the fact that she was his little girl. He simply came too late. He missed those things she wanted, the things he wanted. There never was a first step, a first word, a first day of school. All there was for either of them was a fake made up memory of a young man in a military uniform with a tiny dark eyed baby girl. It wasn't real but it was a comfort for both of them to hide the pain behind. For the broken father and daughter it would have to be enough to pretend sometimes that the past had been something else.
Words: 584
Goes along with this piece
Snake had thought about it often. His own little girl, dark hair, big eyes, maybe when he was younger. He thought about that life that was stripped away from him more often now and he couldn't decide why. He figured it was because he was older. Not just older, Snake could admit he was old.
When he was younger though, that dark haired little girl he'd have. The one that would've had a different world. No war, a father that wasn't an addict, a father that was sane and unbroken. He thought about her a lot. He wondered if his parents would've been there to see her. Snake wished they were. He wished he'd been there for her too. He'd have been 22 and at the end of his service to the military when she was born. It would've been a different life for both of them. So much would have gone differently. He would have seen her with both eyes instead of one. Her grandfather would've got to rock her in the chair his mother had for him when he was a boy. They'd have the things normal families passed on through the generations. She would never have had to face the huge void of his past where everything was burned away by betrayal.
Snake though could see her clearly in his arms. He knew her name and when she was born. He knew things from later too when she was ten in his lap to see her little sister as a baby. The amount of pain it would pass to just hold her back when he was young was beyond Plissken's means to understand. Still those big dark eyes haunted him as he held her. Those were dreams. They were long gone and out of his reach even with her in his arms. He was older than he imagined though for many years he couldn't see this happening. Instead of laughter as he held her the lack of cocaine pulled him deep into the dark depression that filled his thoughts.
"Papi?"
Snake looked down at her dark eyes and started to cry. He still saw that baby even if he'd never held her. He'd failed her and the rest just like the family he'd lost back when he should have been holding her for the first time.
"I'm sorry." Snake looked away from her because the same idea ate at both of them. She wished he was there and he wished he could have been. There were no words needed when she wrapped her arms around his neck. Snake held her tight like a tiny child curled in his lap despite the fact she was a full grown woman. Still some days she was that baby. She needed to be that for both of them. He knew she would be different if life had been the way he saw it. He would not be the same man either but none of that would ever change the fact that she was his little girl. He simply came too late. He missed those things she wanted, the things he wanted. There never was a first step, a first word, a first day of school. All there was for either of them was a fake made up memory of a young man in a military uniform with a tiny dark eyed baby girl. It wasn't real but it was a comfort for both of them to hide the pain behind. For the broken father and daughter it would have to be enough to pretend sometimes that the past had been something else.
Words: 584
(no subject)
Aug. 27th, 2008 06:40 pmBackdated.
After talking to Evie Snake knew what the next step was. Cassie was sleeping and he would let her be until she woke up. Though deep down he'd rather deal with her first. He knew Bria was going to be upset, maybe pissed off. He knew she had every right to be. He deserved it for fucking up. After all that fuss he'd made about quitting he'd failed. it was embarrassing for him. He felt guilty over it. He hated that he was so strapped to something he didn't necessarily want. He'd admit he loved a high now and then but it wasn't worth his family or all that he spent on it. He had kids that would need that. A whole college fund of money blown up his nose every year was a very mind altering thought. It was a very sobering thought. He hadn't even touched the booze today. He wanted to be clean for this. It was almost a point to prove he was still trying even after the failure. Snake went in the house and found her.
Bria, honey?
After talking to Evie Snake knew what the next step was. Cassie was sleeping and he would let her be until she woke up. Though deep down he'd rather deal with her first. He knew Bria was going to be upset, maybe pissed off. He knew she had every right to be. He deserved it for fucking up. After all that fuss he'd made about quitting he'd failed. it was embarrassing for him. He felt guilty over it. He hated that he was so strapped to something he didn't necessarily want. He'd admit he loved a high now and then but it wasn't worth his family or all that he spent on it. He had kids that would need that. A whole college fund of money blown up his nose every year was a very mind altering thought. It was a very sobering thought. He hadn't even touched the booze today. He wanted to be clean for this. It was almost a point to prove he was still trying even after the failure. Snake went in the house and found her.
Bria, honey?
Snake was trying but with everything of late he went to the drawer. It was locked but he knew where the key was. Rifling through Xena's jewelry box he found it and went for the drawer in the kitchen. It was for emergencies when he was kicking the habits but they never cleaned it out. Now he was grateful for the negligence. Snake pulled the bag and sighed like a man who'd found water in the desert. He couldn't wait and poured some of the powder onto the marble countertop. He worked the razor through it like an old pro. He was an old pro, more than twenty years of addiction leaves talents no one ever forgets.
The five neat lines beaconed him and he snorted three before letting his head lull back. The feeling of it hitting his blood and being high again after so long all but caused him to moan with pleasure. He gave it a minute and hit the two remaining lines before putting the bag away. He locked the drawer. The key slipped in his back pocket and he wandered into the livingroom. He poured a huge glass of bourbon. Snake took a drink and kept walking. The high was settling in and he wished for opium. That was what he wanted but it was too hard to come by. Resigning himself to his chair he finished off the glass and poured another. Things were already seeming better. Snake felt like himself again. His eye was a dull hum especially after taking some of the painkillers he'd hoarded over the past months. Nothing hurt. He felt nothing at all but bliss.
The five neat lines beaconed him and he snorted three before letting his head lull back. The feeling of it hitting his blood and being high again after so long all but caused him to moan with pleasure. He gave it a minute and hit the two remaining lines before putting the bag away. He locked the drawer. The key slipped in his back pocket and he wandered into the livingroom. He poured a huge glass of bourbon. Snake took a drink and kept walking. The high was settling in and he wished for opium. That was what he wanted but it was too hard to come by. Resigning himself to his chair he finished off the glass and poured another. Things were already seeming better. Snake felt like himself again. His eye was a dull hum especially after taking some of the painkillers he'd hoarded over the past months. Nothing hurt. He felt nothing at all but bliss.
OOC: The Drug posts
Apr. 7th, 2006 09:29 amSo I have had a request to collect all of these drug posts together so the story could be read as a continuous plot. Well here it is from begining to end
Meeting with Macaria:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/118742.html
Lost in thought:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/79273.html
Meeting with Smith:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/120426.html
Meanwhile Xena has met River:
http://xena-warrior.livejournal.com/16567.html
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/116770.html
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/120149.html
Call for safety:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/121369.html
Race home:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/122025.html
House Warming:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/125938.html
A night of pain:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/80447.html
Always fighting( I am not quite sure where this fits in the timeline but seems to work here.):
http://goddess-rainbow.livejournal.com/52837.html?thread=771685#t771685
The morning after:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/82256.html
A Princess gone:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/83480.html
Meanwhile Xena visists Argo:
http://xena-warrior.livejournal.com/17349.html
Starvation:
http://mischief-shadow.livejournal.com/24764.html
Meanwhile Xena looks for her fiance:
http://xena-warrior.livejournal.com/17493.html
Breakdown:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/84155.html
Meanwhile Xena camps on Coney:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/126574.html
Finding my Heart (Yet to be written for Snake and Xena to meet up and hopefully forgive each other):
All apologies:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/82793.html
Of course some things are deeply rooted farther back in their relationship but I can't possibly include them all here.
Meeting with Macaria:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/118742.html
Lost in thought:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/79273.html
Meeting with Smith:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/120426.html
Meanwhile Xena has met River:
http://xena-warrior.livejournal.com/16567.html
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/116770.html
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/120149.html
Call for safety:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/121369.html
Race home:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/122025.html
House Warming:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/125938.html
A night of pain:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/80447.html
Always fighting( I am not quite sure where this fits in the timeline but seems to work here.):
http://goddess-rainbow.livejournal.com/52837.html?thread=771685#t771685
The morning after:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/82256.html
A Princess gone:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/83480.html
Meanwhile Xena visists Argo:
http://xena-warrior.livejournal.com/17349.html
Starvation:
http://mischief-shadow.livejournal.com/24764.html
Meanwhile Xena looks for her fiance:
http://xena-warrior.livejournal.com/17493.html
Breakdown:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/84155.html
Meanwhile Xena camps on Coney:
http://community.livejournal.com/lost_souls_ny/126574.html
Finding my Heart (Yet to be written for Snake and Xena to meet up and hopefully forgive each other):
All apologies:
http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/82793.html
Of course some things are deeply rooted farther back in their relationship but I can't possibly include them all here.
Come around town
Steal another dime
Take another line
Won't you feel it
Blanket your soul
Out of mind
Come around town
Steal another dime
Do another crime
Won't you get it higher & higher
Roll through time
YOU
And it's mine on my own
Yes, it's mine all alone
As I cry for you
Yes, I'll die for you
Pain in my heart, it is real
And I'll take
Everything as it comes my way
Feel in my heart it's for you
And I'll lie for you as I die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now
How I feel inside
Fuck you
It's for you
-"You" - Candlebox
Snake woke in his empty apartment. The sweating and shivering hadn’t stopped but his body was feeling a little better after Rayanne forced him to eat. His memory was hazy as he sat up and started as if it was a normal day.
“Xena baby?”
He smiled because this was his morning routine. He expected to hear the call back from the bath or the bedroom but none came. Snake looked around confused as the smile faded. He remembered why there was no answer, the apartment was empty. She was gone. His princess was gone.
The tremors became uncontrollable and his insides boiling. His eye fell on the table, the mirror, the bottles causing that kettle to explode into rage, coke rage. Grabbing the table he threw it across the room smashing the TV in the process. The emotions manifested as anger because of the withdraw from the substance cocktail he had been living on. Anger was not the root of the outburst. Deep inside it was sadness, loneliness and shame that drove the rage. He screamed in anger, stomping on the shattered table. He was so furious inside it was blindness. Snake stared maliciously at the TV and threw it to the floor. The dinning room table soon joined the growing pile of debris when his eye noticed it still stood unbroken.
He sunk to the floor panting. The fury had passed and the real emotions surfaced to break him further. Inside he was like the mangled pile of furniture in the corner. A broken man, with no fix, no bandage for his wounds save one, was all that remained of the strong hardened man that Plissken had become. After two days Snake didn’t believe she’d ever come back home to him. His princess, his bandage, had gone forever and he was alone again.
Sitting there on the floor he was too numb to react. The only thing he could see was her face. He could only think of how missed her and what price he would pay to have her back. It was what he was always willing to give for her, it was everything he had.
After this and During this
Steal another dime
Take another line
Won't you feel it
Blanket your soul
Out of mind
Come around town
Steal another dime
Do another crime
Won't you get it higher & higher
Roll through time
YOU
And it's mine on my own
Yes, it's mine all alone
As I cry for you
Yes, I'll die for you
Pain in my heart, it is real
And I'll take
Everything as it comes my way
Feel in my heart it's for you
And I'll lie for you as I die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now
How I feel inside
Fuck you
It's for you
-"You" - Candlebox
Snake woke in his empty apartment. The sweating and shivering hadn’t stopped but his body was feeling a little better after Rayanne forced him to eat. His memory was hazy as he sat up and started as if it was a normal day.
“Xena baby?”
He smiled because this was his morning routine. He expected to hear the call back from the bath or the bedroom but none came. Snake looked around confused as the smile faded. He remembered why there was no answer, the apartment was empty. She was gone. His princess was gone.
The tremors became uncontrollable and his insides boiling. His eye fell on the table, the mirror, the bottles causing that kettle to explode into rage, coke rage. Grabbing the table he threw it across the room smashing the TV in the process. The emotions manifested as anger because of the withdraw from the substance cocktail he had been living on. Anger was not the root of the outburst. Deep inside it was sadness, loneliness and shame that drove the rage. He screamed in anger, stomping on the shattered table. He was so furious inside it was blindness. Snake stared maliciously at the TV and threw it to the floor. The dinning room table soon joined the growing pile of debris when his eye noticed it still stood unbroken.
He sunk to the floor panting. The fury had passed and the real emotions surfaced to break him further. Inside he was like the mangled pile of furniture in the corner. A broken man, with no fix, no bandage for his wounds save one, was all that remained of the strong hardened man that Plissken had become. After two days Snake didn’t believe she’d ever come back home to him. His princess, his bandage, had gone forever and he was alone again.
Sitting there on the floor he was too numb to react. The only thing he could see was her face. He could only think of how missed her and what price he would pay to have her back. It was what he was always willing to give for her, it was everything he had.
After this and During this
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
Apr. 5th, 2006 09:19 pmI have a picture,
pinned to my wall.
An image of you and of me and we're laughing and loving it all.
Look at our life now, tattered and torn.
We fuss and we fight and delight in the tears that we cry until dawn
You say I'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind
Both of us searching for some perfect world we know we'll never find
So perhaps I should leave here, yeah yeah go far away
But you know that there’s no where that I'd rather be than with you here
today
You ask if I love you, well what can I say?
You know that I do and if this is just one of those games that we play
So I'll sing you a new song, please don't cry anymore
and then I'll ask your forgiveness, though I don't know just what I'm
asking it for
She’d walked out again. He’d watched her, begged her to stay to be the bandage on his wounds but she had walked out again. He hit the cocaine and then sat staring at the door that sat just cracked. He couldn’t help thinking she’d never walk through that door again. His princess would never come back to make him feel like a king.
This was the third time she’d left. Third time’s a charm. For what? Snake wondered, for her to come back and never leave again or to never come back. After the past days the latter seemed to stick. All those words came back like knives every time he relived them. He had tried to apologize to hold her and she shoved him away. His touch disgusted her. Was that what she felt when their skin touched, disgust? It had gone on after and that was the wound he couldn’t heal. He had pleaded for help to be what she wanted and the words”get away from me, I hate you.” stuck in his head like a bullet. His eye didn’t hurt now nor did his ribs it was masked by the sword she’d plunged into his heart with those words. She was gone now and that blade kept twisting in his chest.
Snake couldn’t cry anymore but his head still buried in his hands and he shook, everything was there except the tears themselves. Why wouldn’t she stay with him? He’d tried everything even to the point of begging and crying. She’d broken him, broken his spirit, his pride. He knew what she thought when he said “I can’t live without you.” She thought it was a ploy to make her stay but it wasn’t. Snake knew he couldn’t live without her. She was his heart, his soul, the reason he went on and she walked away.
Laying back he felt the fur on his face. The coat she’d left. It smelled of her skin and the tears finally came. It had been weeks it seemed since that skin had touched him in love. She’d touched him; to hit him, to shove him but when he needed her embrace and begged for comfort to get him through that skin was cold. The pain spread from his chest. Snake remembered nights when they had spoke of devotion and forever. She wore his heart on her finger, a trophy that none had ever managed to take from him but she never spoke of it. Now she tried to take it off when they fought. Snake didn’t even know if she still loved him.
His face pressed into that fur. The smell of her skin would have to be his comfort. It was all he had anymore, memories of her comfort. Snake’s fingers wound into the fur; pulling it to his body he curled around it. He was crying for her. It seemed when he broke she attacked like he was a wounded animal. When he fell she kicked him and he fought to crawl back to her out of love. Nothing broke that love even now that she had broke his heart and left him alone, he still loved. He loved her as much as the moment he first saw her, first touched her, when he’d put that ring on her finger and vowed to never leave, to be a better man. That love still burned inside with the anguish, the bleeding wound that was left of his heart when she was through with him.
Snake left the coat intent on going out to find his princess and ask her to come home. Standing slowly he wavered gritting his teeth from the burn in his abdomen. He needed her and pain wasn’t going to stop him. He stumbled heading for the bedroom to dress and fell. Snake went down shaking. The seizures were coming again from all the cocaine. As his eye rolled back he cried out for her momentarily forgetting he was alone. The blood started to trickle from his nose dotting the carpet beside his face. It pooled in his throat and he coughed causing blood to spill across his lips. He called out to her again gurgling and choking on his own blood. That’s when he remembered the look on her face and her words. He needed her by his side to fight but she had left and with her his strength. Straining his broken and weak body he rolled to his stomach and the suffocation ceased. Snake lay gasping for air and watching the puddle form in the carpet. He was too weak to move and the exhaustion was taking control. The blackness came with a faded image one of a hand on his shoulder, a calm soothing voice telling him he would be alright, a kiss on the cheek. He prayed it would come before the darkness took over. Snake fought mumbling her name and again there was no reply as he slid into the inky darkness of unconsciousness.
Continued from here. During this one and before this one Lyrics "Hold Me Now" - The Thompson Twins
pinned to my wall.
An image of you and of me and we're laughing and loving it all.
Look at our life now, tattered and torn.
We fuss and we fight and delight in the tears that we cry until dawn
You say I'm a dreamer, we're two of a kind
Both of us searching for some perfect world we know we'll never find
So perhaps I should leave here, yeah yeah go far away
But you know that there’s no where that I'd rather be than with you here
today
You ask if I love you, well what can I say?
You know that I do and if this is just one of those games that we play
So I'll sing you a new song, please don't cry anymore
and then I'll ask your forgiveness, though I don't know just what I'm
asking it for
She’d walked out again. He’d watched her, begged her to stay to be the bandage on his wounds but she had walked out again. He hit the cocaine and then sat staring at the door that sat just cracked. He couldn’t help thinking she’d never walk through that door again. His princess would never come back to make him feel like a king.
This was the third time she’d left. Third time’s a charm. For what? Snake wondered, for her to come back and never leave again or to never come back. After the past days the latter seemed to stick. All those words came back like knives every time he relived them. He had tried to apologize to hold her and she shoved him away. His touch disgusted her. Was that what she felt when their skin touched, disgust? It had gone on after and that was the wound he couldn’t heal. He had pleaded for help to be what she wanted and the words”get away from me, I hate you.” stuck in his head like a bullet. His eye didn’t hurt now nor did his ribs it was masked by the sword she’d plunged into his heart with those words. She was gone now and that blade kept twisting in his chest.
Snake couldn’t cry anymore but his head still buried in his hands and he shook, everything was there except the tears themselves. Why wouldn’t she stay with him? He’d tried everything even to the point of begging and crying. She’d broken him, broken his spirit, his pride. He knew what she thought when he said “I can’t live without you.” She thought it was a ploy to make her stay but it wasn’t. Snake knew he couldn’t live without her. She was his heart, his soul, the reason he went on and she walked away.
Laying back he felt the fur on his face. The coat she’d left. It smelled of her skin and the tears finally came. It had been weeks it seemed since that skin had touched him in love. She’d touched him; to hit him, to shove him but when he needed her embrace and begged for comfort to get him through that skin was cold. The pain spread from his chest. Snake remembered nights when they had spoke of devotion and forever. She wore his heart on her finger, a trophy that none had ever managed to take from him but she never spoke of it. Now she tried to take it off when they fought. Snake didn’t even know if she still loved him.
His face pressed into that fur. The smell of her skin would have to be his comfort. It was all he had anymore, memories of her comfort. Snake’s fingers wound into the fur; pulling it to his body he curled around it. He was crying for her. It seemed when he broke she attacked like he was a wounded animal. When he fell she kicked him and he fought to crawl back to her out of love. Nothing broke that love even now that she had broke his heart and left him alone, he still loved. He loved her as much as the moment he first saw her, first touched her, when he’d put that ring on her finger and vowed to never leave, to be a better man. That love still burned inside with the anguish, the bleeding wound that was left of his heart when she was through with him.
Snake left the coat intent on going out to find his princess and ask her to come home. Standing slowly he wavered gritting his teeth from the burn in his abdomen. He needed her and pain wasn’t going to stop him. He stumbled heading for the bedroom to dress and fell. Snake went down shaking. The seizures were coming again from all the cocaine. As his eye rolled back he cried out for her momentarily forgetting he was alone. The blood started to trickle from his nose dotting the carpet beside his face. It pooled in his throat and he coughed causing blood to spill across his lips. He called out to her again gurgling and choking on his own blood. That’s when he remembered the look on her face and her words. He needed her by his side to fight but she had left and with her his strength. Straining his broken and weak body he rolled to his stomach and the suffocation ceased. Snake lay gasping for air and watching the puddle form in the carpet. He was too weak to move and the exhaustion was taking control. The blackness came with a faded image one of a hand on his shoulder, a calm soothing voice telling him he would be alright, a kiss on the cheek. He prayed it would come before the darkness took over. Snake fought mumbling her name and again there was no reply as he slid into the inky darkness of unconsciousness.
Continued from here. During this one and before this one Lyrics "Hold Me Now" - The Thompson Twins
All Apologies (Locked to Xena)
Apr. 3rd, 2006 12:45 amBaby, I'm sorry. I know I'm a hell of a horrible man to live with. I drink too much. I smoke too much. I snort too much coke. I'm a wanted criminal and maybe worse but that don't mean shit. I love you girl. I hope you still know through all this bullshit I do. I'm struggling all these nights on the streets for us. I want to be able to provide you a home and make you happy. I know for some reason you think that means you have to be a house wife or some bullshit but that ain't what I want. I want you. I want that stubborn moody woman that gives me a kick every now and then when I start to fuck up. I probably need more then a swift kick in the fucking ass some days.
I just don't understand some days. i know we fight a lot princess and I try so hard not to. The pressure gets me down sometimes. The streets fuck.. I work them like a bleeding dog. looking for a heist, a job. Most nights they fall through and I'm left to gamble, gunfight and deal to make ends meet to make sure I can take care of you. I don't complain. Hell it makes me happy when I get enough to bring something home more then just the money for rent and food. Maybe you don't remember but you asked me to be better and I told you I'd try. Yeah, I haven't robbed anything in months and that's why it's such a struggle. That's why my nights are so long. Then there are nights when I don't get shit. I feel like hell when I've been away from you all night and I come back empty handed. I feel like I've failed and let you down. Other nights I can't work because I have to spend all night running from the fucking cops. I can't come home til I lose them because I don't want them to find you baby.
Then I drink, I know I drink too much. I'm in a hole, down in the gutter and you've got to carry my ass to bed or worse some nights. I don't mean to. I just can't fight some nights I get so down and I just want to be held and appreciated. Those are the nights we seem to fight. I'm sorry I say some of the things I do but sometimes I need to say them. I need to get all of it out before it fucking eats me up inside.
I'm sorry for all the bullshit, for almost dying on you the other night. I know there's no damned excuse. I'm not trying to make one. I'd check my ass into rehab if I could but that's just asking to land my damned ass in jail. I can't take weeks without you again like last time.
Guess what all this bullshit is about is I need to really just get out and tell you what the fuck I need. You always ask me what I need from you.. what I want well this is all fucking for you.
I need you to be with me, to love me.
I need you to help me with my drugs. I can't kick them alone.
I need you to forgive me for what I did in the past. I know I fucked up.
I need you to tell people what we are. Yeah I'm your friend but I am more then that. I still don't know why you don't tell people.
I need you to understand that in this culture a man is judged by a lot. Some of it you think is bullshit, hell, some of it I think is bullshit.
I need you to understand that to feel happy I need to provide for you.
I DO NOT need or want a housewife.
I need.. or perhaps would like you to come out with me more at night. I don't need to go alone.
I need you to understand sometimes we fight.. sometimes it hurts but I still love you no matter what I say in some angry drunken stupor.
I need you to believe me when I tell you there are no other women in my life. I mean that as sex sure I got female friends but I ain't sleeping with them.
I need you to be the strong one when I can't instead of yelling at me for breaking.
I need you to understand no matter how much a man wants to he can't change in a day.
I need you most of all to understand I might ask you for something I haven't listed up there or things too private for me to go writing the damned things down.
More then all this other fucking bullshit I need you to forgive me. I need you to know if there is ever anything you want all you got to do is ask. Anything! I don't care if you think it's too small or you're being a pain. Don't matter to me. Besides makes me proud to give you what you need girl.
Come on lets talk this out baby.
I just don't understand some days. i know we fight a lot princess and I try so hard not to. The pressure gets me down sometimes. The streets fuck.. I work them like a bleeding dog. looking for a heist, a job. Most nights they fall through and I'm left to gamble, gunfight and deal to make ends meet to make sure I can take care of you. I don't complain. Hell it makes me happy when I get enough to bring something home more then just the money for rent and food. Maybe you don't remember but you asked me to be better and I told you I'd try. Yeah, I haven't robbed anything in months and that's why it's such a struggle. That's why my nights are so long. Then there are nights when I don't get shit. I feel like hell when I've been away from you all night and I come back empty handed. I feel like I've failed and let you down. Other nights I can't work because I have to spend all night running from the fucking cops. I can't come home til I lose them because I don't want them to find you baby.
Then I drink, I know I drink too much. I'm in a hole, down in the gutter and you've got to carry my ass to bed or worse some nights. I don't mean to. I just can't fight some nights I get so down and I just want to be held and appreciated. Those are the nights we seem to fight. I'm sorry I say some of the things I do but sometimes I need to say them. I need to get all of it out before it fucking eats me up inside.
I'm sorry for all the bullshit, for almost dying on you the other night. I know there's no damned excuse. I'm not trying to make one. I'd check my ass into rehab if I could but that's just asking to land my damned ass in jail. I can't take weeks without you again like last time.
Guess what all this bullshit is about is I need to really just get out and tell you what the fuck I need. You always ask me what I need from you.. what I want well this is all fucking for you.
I need you to be with me, to love me.
I need you to help me with my drugs. I can't kick them alone.
I need you to forgive me for what I did in the past. I know I fucked up.
I need you to tell people what we are. Yeah I'm your friend but I am more then that. I still don't know why you don't tell people.
I need you to understand that in this culture a man is judged by a lot. Some of it you think is bullshit, hell, some of it I think is bullshit.
I need you to understand that to feel happy I need to provide for you.
I DO NOT need or want a housewife.
I need.. or perhaps would like you to come out with me more at night. I don't need to go alone.
I need you to understand sometimes we fight.. sometimes it hurts but I still love you no matter what I say in some angry drunken stupor.
I need you to believe me when I tell you there are no other women in my life. I mean that as sex sure I got female friends but I ain't sleeping with them.
I need you to be the strong one when I can't instead of yelling at me for breaking.
I need you to understand no matter how much a man wants to he can't change in a day.
I need you most of all to understand I might ask you for something I haven't listed up there or things too private for me to go writing the damned things down.
More then all this other fucking bullshit I need you to forgive me. I need you to know if there is ever anything you want all you got to do is ask. Anything! I don't care if you think it's too small or you're being a pain. Don't matter to me. Besides makes me proud to give you what you need girl.
Come on lets talk this out baby.
Wake Up Dead
Apr. 2nd, 2006 10:01 amSnake felt the dark haze lifting and everything hurt. His eye was throbbing, his ribs were burning and he felt the nausea from his pounding headache. Momentarily he wished he was dead because he felt like he should be. He could feel the sunlight coming through the windows and he weakly covered his head with his forearm groaning. He felt like shit. He was shaking and sweating still from overdosing.
All he could think of though was the hazy face and the worried voice he vaguely remembered from last night. Xena had been hurt by him and he loathed himself for it. He had just wanted her to understand him but all they had done was fought the day before. There were things that she said and did that belittled him, insulted him and when he told her she acted as if she didn’t care. It hurt him so much he couldn’t take it. Xena had gotten so far under his skin that those insults were like poison.
His mind wandered in the pain and he started to cry. Snake was terrified of losing her. Maybe she didn’t care anymore and she just stayed because she had nowhere else to go. Trying not to think about it he slowly opened his eye squinting against the sunlight. Why did he have to fall for such a difficult woman?
This is a continuation of this storyline.
All he could think of though was the hazy face and the worried voice he vaguely remembered from last night. Xena had been hurt by him and he loathed himself for it. He had just wanted her to understand him but all they had done was fought the day before. There were things that she said and did that belittled him, insulted him and when he told her she acted as if she didn’t care. It hurt him so much he couldn’t take it. Xena had gotten so far under his skin that those insults were like poison.
His mind wandered in the pain and he started to cry. Snake was terrified of losing her. Maybe she didn’t care anymore and she just stayed because she had nowhere else to go. Trying not to think about it he slowly opened his eye squinting against the sunlight. Why did he have to fall for such a difficult woman?
This is a continuation of this storyline.
No one knows what it's like
Mar. 29th, 2006 10:42 pmCharacter name: Snake Plissken
Fandom: John Carpenter's Escape From NY/LA
Disclaimers warning: Snake belongs to John Carpenter, Debra Hill, Paramount Pictures, Kurt Russell and Hurricane Comics. Just showing my love for their genius.
Challenge topic: Write about Addiction
Rating: PG-13 (Warning!: This contains suggestions of suicide and drug use.)
Author's Note: This fic is AU in nature related to this plot line. This fic was written for
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jon_r_meyers who wished to know more about Snake's addictions.
( Addict on the Down )
Fandom: John Carpenter's Escape From NY/LA
Disclaimers warning: Snake belongs to John Carpenter, Debra Hill, Paramount Pictures, Kurt Russell and Hurricane Comics. Just showing my love for their genius.
Challenge topic: Write about Addiction
Rating: PG-13 (Warning!: This contains suggestions of suicide and drug use.)
Author's Note: This fic is AU in nature related to this plot line. This fic was written for
jon_r_meyers who wished to know more about Snake's addictions.( Addict on the Down )
"Bell bottom blues, you made me cry.
I don’t want to lose this feeling.
And if I could choose a place to die
It would be in your arms.
Do you want to see me crawl across the floor to you?
Do you want to hear me beg you to take me back?
I’d gladly do it because
I don’t want to fade away.
Give me one more day, please.
I don’t want to fade away.
In your heart I want to stay.
It’s all wrong, but it’s all right.
The way that you treat me baby.
Once I was strong but I lost the fight.
You won’t find a better loser."
Snake left Macara’s more depressed then when he had arrived. Everything seemed to be for shit since they returned from Greece. He was doing everything he could to make things right. He fought and died on the streets just to keep her happy. Some nights he spent all night out on the streets and came back with nothing. Some nights he would have to run and not stop because if he did they’d shoot him. Most nights he had to kill people and deal drugs when he couldn’t find a heist worth taking. He drank to deal with the stress of all the bullshit she didn’t want to discuss and when that stopped working he’d went back to the coke. She never talked to him about the things he needed and when he went to friends she got even angrier then when he disappeared. Snake couldn’t understand it.
On top of it all was the “friend” issue. The words kept ringing in his head “This is my friend Snake.” Over and over again he heard them until he wanted to shoot himself to make them stop. He tried to explain it but she just kept missing the point. He was a friend but that wasn’t the end. He was her lover, her fiancé, hell; he was going to be her husband. He sighed as he walked down the street on his way to his bike and home. Was he really only a friend? He couldn’t shake that feeling. Girls had said that before. More or less it translated to “You’re a good fuck and take care of me but I’d rather not be with you.” He was terrified of those words and they hurt worse then bullet to the chest. Why did she want to hide that they were together. Sure he understood the superstition about the engagement but that didn’t mean she couldn’t say they were a couple... boyfriend/girlfriend, lovers anything. He felt inadequate constantly. He felt like there was something more he could do but he always came up empty handed. He stayed with her when she wanted, he fought and died to protect her, he bought her everything she wanted, he’d asked her to be his wife, become faithful and tried to kick the drugs. What more did she want? He had nothing more to give. He’d given her his heart, his soul even his life once and still she wanted something more.
He’d crawl for her if she asked him to, he had crawled for her. He'd cried for her and still he didn’t feel good enough for her. He always felt like a worthless vagabond even with all he’d done. He was a much better man then when they had met but she seemed to think he was worse. What more could she want?
That’s when Snake heard the ominously formal voice. It would be another night trying to escape and another morning of apologizing for running for his life.
In response to this post. Lyrics "Bell Bottom Blues" - Eric Clapton
I don’t want to lose this feeling.
And if I could choose a place to die
It would be in your arms.
Do you want to see me crawl across the floor to you?
Do you want to hear me beg you to take me back?
I’d gladly do it because
I don’t want to fade away.
Give me one more day, please.
I don’t want to fade away.
In your heart I want to stay.
It’s all wrong, but it’s all right.
The way that you treat me baby.
Once I was strong but I lost the fight.
You won’t find a better loser."
Snake left Macara’s more depressed then when he had arrived. Everything seemed to be for shit since they returned from Greece. He was doing everything he could to make things right. He fought and died on the streets just to keep her happy. Some nights he spent all night out on the streets and came back with nothing. Some nights he would have to run and not stop because if he did they’d shoot him. Most nights he had to kill people and deal drugs when he couldn’t find a heist worth taking. He drank to deal with the stress of all the bullshit she didn’t want to discuss and when that stopped working he’d went back to the coke. She never talked to him about the things he needed and when he went to friends she got even angrier then when he disappeared. Snake couldn’t understand it.
On top of it all was the “friend” issue. The words kept ringing in his head “This is my friend Snake.” Over and over again he heard them until he wanted to shoot himself to make them stop. He tried to explain it but she just kept missing the point. He was a friend but that wasn’t the end. He was her lover, her fiancé, hell; he was going to be her husband. He sighed as he walked down the street on his way to his bike and home. Was he really only a friend? He couldn’t shake that feeling. Girls had said that before. More or less it translated to “You’re a good fuck and take care of me but I’d rather not be with you.” He was terrified of those words and they hurt worse then bullet to the chest. Why did she want to hide that they were together. Sure he understood the superstition about the engagement but that didn’t mean she couldn’t say they were a couple... boyfriend/girlfriend, lovers anything. He felt inadequate constantly. He felt like there was something more he could do but he always came up empty handed. He stayed with her when she wanted, he fought and died to protect her, he bought her everything she wanted, he’d asked her to be his wife, become faithful and tried to kick the drugs. What more did she want? He had nothing more to give. He’d given her his heart, his soul even his life once and still she wanted something more.
He’d crawl for her if she asked him to, he had crawled for her. He'd cried for her and still he didn’t feel good enough for her. He always felt like a worthless vagabond even with all he’d done. He was a much better man then when they had met but she seemed to think he was worse. What more could she want?
That’s when Snake heard the ominously formal voice. It would be another night trying to escape and another morning of apologizing for running for his life.
In response to this post. Lyrics "Bell Bottom Blues" - Eric Clapton
