Tea and Dogs (For laws_of_dawes)

[call_me_snake]

Snake mixed up a batch of the tea herb Xena had given him when he was shot that helped ease him and get him to sleep. It was the least he could do. The offer of taking the gang out for a walk sealed the deal. He was stressed lately and just getting out for a walk with the dogs would be nice.

Snake loaded up Zena, Rusty, Daisy and Sarge in the Humvee and headed out. It was a short drive over to her place. Once outside he called up to tell Rachel he was outside. He let the four dogs out to explore the sidewalk while he waited. They all had collars but no leashes.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

I know how that goes baby. After... Snake paused fighting back memories. After I was discharged they hunted down everyone I knew and killed them. If I talked to someone too much they'd die. Death isn't easy when it's close to you. Worse when you see it.

Snake shrugged thoughtfully. I don't know about you but I keep going because I know they want me to roll over and die. They want me to give up because I survived something they didn't want me to. No survivors is what it says in the classified shit. Taylor, myself and two others made it back. We've all suffered for not dying. Hell'll freeze over before I give them anything.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"Death is all around us," Rachel said, barely a whisper. Her hands fisted into the grass, shooting another glance at Shadow and the rest of them. Certain of their place, she focuses on her thoughts. "What happened to you is just another reason of what's wrong in this world, and why it's so important to change it. Why it needs people that care and will fight the good fight. And as long as you don't give them what they want then they don't win."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

The problem with that is the people who do fight for right are usually marked as criminals. It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Snake sighed and whistled for the dogs to come join them. It's true. You're the only one who can let your enemies win. No one else can but plenty of people can help fight them.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

Rachel smiled at Shadow as the dog nearly topped over into her knees. She scratched the back of its ears tenderly before turning back to Snake. "I just know I couldn't live with myself if I ever did stop so I don't really have a choice."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Snake's dogs laid near him but Sarge all but crawled into his lap.

I did stop once. Before I met my wife. I wanted to just be a normal guy for once. The cops took my girlfriend told me to turn myself in and they'd let her go. They didn't. She was strapped in the electric chair when they took me in. I had to break her out. I know there is no sense of stopping. No one'll give me peace anyway.

Snake scratched Sarge's head absently while he spoke.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"That's all I'd like for you too," Rachel admitted, mimicking Snake's movements to Sarge with Shadow. "Peace. Resolution. Closure. I know it's not my fault, I know it doesn't help any, but I am sorry, Snake. For everything."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

I've given up on it. Snake shrugged as he let Sarge lay his head on his lap.

I used to be sorry for it. Too much has piled up for me to do that now.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

Rachel hesitated, briefly, before placing her hand on the length of his upper arm. "I think we'll all be just fine, Snake."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Snake looked over at her but didn't say anything. He didn't believe he would be alright any longer. Can hope for it.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"At the end of the day," Rachel said, feeling more like herself already, "there is nothing wrong with hope."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Snake frowned trying hard not to get down now that she was feeling better. You don't want me to answer that.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

Rachel sighed. "I know what you would say, and I understand why you would say it." Deep lines creased her forehead. "I'm trying to find a balance between hope and realism. I really am. I am trying to prepare for the worst, but I don't find it wrong to hope for the best."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Do you? Snake shook his head. For once I'm not talking about ideas.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"If it's not about ideas, then I can't be entirely certain." She regarded him with a thoughtful expression. "You can tell me anything you'd like. We've agreed and disagreed, argued in the past and we're still here, right?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Snake went quiet not because he wasn't going to say anything but because it was hard to.

The first little girl I adopted was Hope. Not just her name and not just some bullshit about family. She was Hope the virtue.

Snake paused and shook his head because to anyone that would sound insane. I know it sounds insane.

Hope betrayed my family, left us, nearly destroyed us because, mostly, I left my wife go home. Even more so when I started seeing my fiance. I was in Arkham being tortured to keep the cops from her and the family when she started on things I can't forgive. It turned so bad I threw her out of the family.

Snake shrugged. I didn't have hope before that . Now I don't even trust it. Now you know why I got nothing optimistic.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"I'm so sorry." She'd said it a lot. And it made her cringe. Such useless words. How could she show a man hope was still worthwhile when he'd been betrayed by everybody that ever mattered to him? "I don't think it sounds insane. I just don't know what on earth I can say to that."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Sorry isn't the point. Snake sighed heavily and looked out from where they were at what he could see. I know there's nothing to say because there isn't s hit that can change the past.

Snake took a moment longer to pull out a cigarette and light it before he went on. There are three types of people in this world. The ones with that naive faith in everything working out like a fairy tale. The stupid bastards that don't give a shit or too sheep like to care. Then you got the people who are sure the end of the world is right around the corner and nothing's going to get better how it is going.

Snake took a long drag from his cigarette and blew it out while he thought. Those people who can't be optimistic evny the people who can. The fact that they can still believe because there's no way back. Ain't no way in hell to forget what blew out your optimistic worldview. Thing about pessimists that people forget is, if the world's going to crash and burn nothing you do is going to make that worse so less restraint and worry about what you try. I'd do things to fight for what I do that you'd never dream of, too afraid of what it'll cause.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"I have been called naive far more times than I'd like to count." Rachel watched him light up the cigarette, watched the smoke dispel in the air. "Maybe I am. But I've seen enough of the world to know the ugly harshness of it. Every day that I go to work I'm reminded constantly of the ugliest side of mankind. But if I didn't believe there could be better, that there is a world out there that we can change, what would be the point in what I do? I've dealt with rapists, murderers, psychopaths that inflict harm for the obscene sake of it. But what of our heroes? What of the good people that are trying?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

What of the good people that try? Snake laughed with a bitter expression.

Betrayed, hunted, used or worse. There's a lot of good men on the streets. Lot of good that doesn't look so good because of all these false ideals. Snake looked over at her curiously.

I am a murderer, a terrorist, a sociopath, a thief, some even say a rapist; a record doesn't always say who a man is. All it tells you is what society thinks he's done wrong.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

She would never believe her ideals are false. But Rachel is smart enough to know that saying it wouldn't change his worldviews, or hers. They were very, very different people who'd come together through a common goal, albeit reached distinctly. Rachel didn't like to think of her world that way. And she was scared to know that nowadays more often than not she would find herself seeing his side. And she couldn't.

"Agree to disagree?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

I can't. Snake frowned and shook his head letting smoke trail out. For you it's a job but for me it's life. I can't go home and get away, put it aside for the office.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"But it's more than my job," she stressed, shaking her head a little. "You don't get to be an ADA and leave everything at the office. It always comes with me. But I am who I am, Snake. Things are what they are for me. Even now, knowing what I know, I still believe in justice and change. What would you have me do?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Tell me, are you comfortable here? Do you feel safe or relaxed? Snake was honestly curious.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"Right now, yes." She pulled her legs into a lotus position, buried the small of her hand on the soft of Shadow's back. "Lately, not really. I'll sleep with one eye open and I'll leave the courthouse after hours. I have bad days, Snake. I've had sleepless nights. It's easy to forget about the good ones. It's easy to forget progress has made way, however small. Right now I'll shoulder what I have to, so someday it is safe. I don't know any other way of living for me. Not any other way that would satisfy me. I understand if that doesn't make sense to you. If it seems stupid or, yes, naive. But it's who I am."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

I've never felt that. I never do. That's why I can't think like you do. Snake looked down at Sarge's head in his lap. It's not a few nights or days. It's my life.

I've never felt safe or relaxed. The most relaxed I can get is knowing there's no one ready to attack me for the next few minutes.