Tea and Dogs (For laws_of_dawes)

[call_me_snake]

Snake mixed up a batch of the tea herb Xena had given him when he was shot that helped ease him and get him to sleep. It was the least he could do. The offer of taking the gang out for a walk sealed the deal. He was stressed lately and just getting out for a walk with the dogs would be nice.

Snake loaded up Zena, Rusty, Daisy and Sarge in the Humvee and headed out. It was a short drive over to her place. Once outside he called up to tell Rachel he was outside. He let the four dogs out to explore the sidewalk while he waited. They all had collars but no leashes.

Comments

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

Rachel sighed. "I know what you would say, and I understand why you would say it." Deep lines creased her forehead. "I'm trying to find a balance between hope and realism. I really am. I am trying to prepare for the worst, but I don't find it wrong to hope for the best."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Do you? Snake shook his head. For once I'm not talking about ideas.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"If it's not about ideas, then I can't be entirely certain." She regarded him with a thoughtful expression. "You can tell me anything you'd like. We've agreed and disagreed, argued in the past and we're still here, right?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Snake went quiet not because he wasn't going to say anything but because it was hard to.

The first little girl I adopted was Hope. Not just her name and not just some bullshit about family. She was Hope the virtue.

Snake paused and shook his head because to anyone that would sound insane. I know it sounds insane.

Hope betrayed my family, left us, nearly destroyed us because, mostly, I left my wife go home. Even more so when I started seeing my fiance. I was in Arkham being tortured to keep the cops from her and the family when she started on things I can't forgive. It turned so bad I threw her out of the family.

Snake shrugged. I didn't have hope before that . Now I don't even trust it. Now you know why I got nothing optimistic.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"I'm so sorry." She'd said it a lot. And it made her cringe. Such useless words. How could she show a man hope was still worthwhile when he'd been betrayed by everybody that ever mattered to him? "I don't think it sounds insane. I just don't know what on earth I can say to that."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Sorry isn't the point. Snake sighed heavily and looked out from where they were at what he could see. I know there's nothing to say because there isn't s hit that can change the past.

Snake took a moment longer to pull out a cigarette and light it before he went on. There are three types of people in this world. The ones with that naive faith in everything working out like a fairy tale. The stupid bastards that don't give a shit or too sheep like to care. Then you got the people who are sure the end of the world is right around the corner and nothing's going to get better how it is going.

Snake took a long drag from his cigarette and blew it out while he thought. Those people who can't be optimistic evny the people who can. The fact that they can still believe because there's no way back. Ain't no way in hell to forget what blew out your optimistic worldview. Thing about pessimists that people forget is, if the world's going to crash and burn nothing you do is going to make that worse so less restraint and worry about what you try. I'd do things to fight for what I do that you'd never dream of, too afraid of what it'll cause.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"I have been called naive far more times than I'd like to count." Rachel watched him light up the cigarette, watched the smoke dispel in the air. "Maybe I am. But I've seen enough of the world to know the ugly harshness of it. Every day that I go to work I'm reminded constantly of the ugliest side of mankind. But if I didn't believe there could be better, that there is a world out there that we can change, what would be the point in what I do? I've dealt with rapists, murderers, psychopaths that inflict harm for the obscene sake of it. But what of our heroes? What of the good people that are trying?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

What of the good people that try? Snake laughed with a bitter expression.

Betrayed, hunted, used or worse. There's a lot of good men on the streets. Lot of good that doesn't look so good because of all these false ideals. Snake looked over at her curiously.

I am a murderer, a terrorist, a sociopath, a thief, some even say a rapist; a record doesn't always say who a man is. All it tells you is what society thinks he's done wrong.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

She would never believe her ideals are false. But Rachel is smart enough to know that saying it wouldn't change his worldviews, or hers. They were very, very different people who'd come together through a common goal, albeit reached distinctly. Rachel didn't like to think of her world that way. And she was scared to know that nowadays more often than not she would find herself seeing his side. And she couldn't.

"Agree to disagree?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

I can't. Snake frowned and shook his head letting smoke trail out. For you it's a job but for me it's life. I can't go home and get away, put it aside for the office.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"But it's more than my job," she stressed, shaking her head a little. "You don't get to be an ADA and leave everything at the office. It always comes with me. But I am who I am, Snake. Things are what they are for me. Even now, knowing what I know, I still believe in justice and change. What would you have me do?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Tell me, are you comfortable here? Do you feel safe or relaxed? Snake was honestly curious.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"Right now, yes." She pulled her legs into a lotus position, buried the small of her hand on the soft of Shadow's back. "Lately, not really. I'll sleep with one eye open and I'll leave the courthouse after hours. I have bad days, Snake. I've had sleepless nights. It's easy to forget about the good ones. It's easy to forget progress has made way, however small. Right now I'll shoulder what I have to, so someday it is safe. I don't know any other way of living for me. Not any other way that would satisfy me. I understand if that doesn't make sense to you. If it seems stupid or, yes, naive. But it's who I am."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

I've never felt that. I never do. That's why I can't think like you do. Snake looked down at Sarge's head in his lap. It's not a few nights or days. It's my life.

I've never felt safe or relaxed. The most relaxed I can get is knowing there's no one ready to attack me for the next few minutes.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

She nodded, sending him a small smile. "I understand now, Snake. I really do."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

I envy you sometimes. Snake smiled but it faded quickly. I used to think like you do about fighting and changing the world. I think you'd have liked who I used to be more than me now. Least you would've agreed with him more.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"I still like you now," Rachel said sincerely. "You've helped more than you realize. And we may not agree about some things, but that doesn't change that I've come to consider you a friend or that you can't tell me what you think because I won't listen, I hope you know that."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Never said you didn't. Snake smiled. You know about my family. Snake patted Sarge. Met some of them. If that don't tell you what I think words aren't going to help.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

"Words are cheap," Rachel smiled back. "Actions are everything. Thank you for coming down here. For talking me down. For bringing me tea. For everything."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

Actions can be too Snake smiled. Though I'm not much for cheap. I do rob banks after all.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

She chuckled, bowed her head as a bubble of laughter rose up her throat. "Just don't let me hear about it. I'd hate to see you on opposite bench."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

I've heard that before. Snake chuckled at her reaction. Fortunate for you I'm always jailed without a trial. Unless you interfere with that slow boat to Arkham.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

Her laughter subsided a bit. "I used to." Before Crane. "There was a doctor who was bribed into diagnosing insanity to perfectly sane mobsters, as long as that got them off. Got drugged with a fear toxin and nearly killed. Haven't stepped foot there lately."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_call_me_snake_/]

They erased my friend's memories in that hell hole. The way Snake said "Friend" had lot more affection than he said when talking about most people.

It took calling in all the favors I could to get her mind back. I wouldn't send my worst enemy to that place. I know what they do in there.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

Rachel nodded. She knew as well. And she sensed the raw emotion behind his words, and would respect the memory behind them. "I wouldn't send anybody there, either."

She sighed, rubbing her tired eyes with the base of her knuckles. "So what does that tea do again?"